I can get attached to someone pretty fast. This is not a conscious decision. Neurological pathways are formed and they influence my nervous system.
This means that even after 1 or 2 dates I can feel attachment towards the other.
But because in the beginning of dating everything is uncertain, my nervous system can activate protest behavior.
This originates from a basic instinct to maintain contact with an attachment figure at all costs, which happens more with anxious attached people.
Avoidant people tend to spread their risk and look for other attachment figures
Protest behavior nowadays can look like: obsessively checking your phone if he texted back, being angry when he doesn’t, trying to make him jealous and scanning his social media to see what he’s up to.
But the main one for me is, the overthinking that my brain does in order to come up with strategies to wheel him in definitely.
Knowing this can’t stop the urge to this behavior, but it can stop you from doing this behavior and also have compassion towards yourself.
It is normal to become attached to someone. It is normal to want to fulfill their needs and have your needs met. We are wired for connection. But we can choose how to act on it.
For me it works to really let go of the result. I am aware of the strategies that my brain and ego are creating in order make him attached to me.
But I can choose to not care about the result if we do get into a relationship. I can choose to not fill in the grid and keep all the possibilities open. I can choose to realize that I have survived without him and I will survive without him.
I have noticed that when I choose to let go of the result, my overthinking becomes less and less and I can enjoy the dating more in the here and now, without all these stories and fantasies.
Are you in the process of dating and need some help to calm your nervous system? Send me a pm for a free discovery session.