Let’s talk about toxic love. A.k.a woundmate, trauma bond, or the worst version, twin flame.
I’ll confess first. Years ago I felt so much love for a very toxic person! His specialty was saying he was on his way over to me, and then not showing up and not answering his phone, which made me very worried about his safety. He would show up the next day with a weird story that was so weird I believed it.
I know now that of this irregular way of showing up, combined with the stress of him being safe, made my brain very addicted to him. Research has proven this. Irregular rewards, like gambling, effects the chemistry in your brain and that’s what makes you addicted. Receiving irregular love and the effect on the brain shows up in an MRI scan in the same area as a cocaine addiction.
I was so addicted to him, that every time he did show up, I felt this huge rush of love for him. I know now that was a shot of dopamine. It was not love. But the mindfuck of it all was, it felt EXACTLY like love! I was so addicted to him, that even without him asking me, I lend him a lot of money. And why? So I hoped he kept on showing up. I tried to buy my lovedrug from him! When there was no more money to give, he ran off. Disappeared. Leaving me with a broken heart and a broken bank account.
This is why people stay in very abusive relationships for a very long time. They confuse the dopamine highs with love. Because of this love they look at him through rose-colored glasses. They are BLIND for his bad traits. Romanticize the good traits. It’s not easy to get out of and addiction like that.
I was lucky. This whole relationship didn’t even last 3 months. He never abused me, only manipulated me. His best present to me was running away. He promised me he would pay me back. Years later I have received 1% of the amount that I borrowed him. Thank god it was the only toxic relationship I had. I lived and I learned.
Please don’t call your toxic relationships with a lot of triggers and ups and downs your twin flame. You are romanticizing it. Because of semantics, you stay longer in it then is good for you. He is not your twin flame. He is a mirror of your own unsolid base within. He is your addiction!
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