There are roughly 4 attachment styles: secure, anxious, fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant. I myself identify most with the dismissive avoidant. And instead of looking at the bad sides of this attachment style (it already has a bad reputation anyway), I want to honor the good traits that come with this attachment style. Independence is its main beautiful characteristic.
This means I’m very good at standing: standing my ground, standing up for myself, standing for what I believe in, standing in my power, standing tall, standing on my own 2 feet, taking a stand and standing out in the crowd.
Partners with an anxious attachment style can feel intimidated by this. They have difficulties expressing their needs and taking their space. They feel I am taking all the space, and therefor even try to shame me for standing in my power.
I believe that there is no limited space to be you. Space is infinite. Yes, in certain situations compromises could be made that are fair to both partners, but there is always enough space for both of us to express our needs and believes. I am not taking away someone else’s space. I don’t have that power.
In the past I have made myself smaller because of this. Feeling guilty for the other person’s pain that arised because of me standing for who I am. But I will never do that again.
I am not responsible for their feelings. I did not cause that feeling. And let me say this very clearly: no one can ever make you feel anything. Feelings that are already inside of you can be brought up as a result of someone else’s behavior, but you are still responsible for your own feelings and how you deal with them. There is no magic wand where they can make you feel a certain feeling.
So I stand and I keep on standing.
If you want to know more about attachment styles, book in a free discovery session with me.