Incongruency is a red flag
“He says he doesn’t want to have a relationship, but he acts like we are a couple! We hang out all the time, he cooks me diner, he says sweet things and the sex is amazing”. “We are officially in a relationship, but he never lets me meet his friends. He only wants to see me on Sundays and he’s always late. He replies my texts only hours after he read them, or he just vanishes during a nice chat session.”
When words and deeds don’t match up, it’s called incongruency. And this is a red flag! Not only in dating, but in many other aspects of life as well. Your boss always says that he really appreciates your work and says that you will get a raise, but he never does. When a friend reaches out constantly for advice but every time it’s the same old story and she doesn’t change. It can make you feel you go paranoid and it can be a huge loss of energy. What to believe, the words or the deeds?
Well, the fact that there is “incongruency” is what you should focus on. I myself feel it in my stomach, when things don’t match up. Because it also has to do with needs and boundaries. I had it a couple of months ago. I was supposed to do voluntary work at a women’s center. They were super enthusiast about me joining. But every time they responded days late to my messages. They already had me waiting for 2 weeks, but they kept on pushing it forward without a real reason, but with a lot of compliments. I could feel the energy leaking out of my body! When I realized there was incongruency, I knew that was a red flag. I started to tune in intuitively, and then I could feel that there was a lot of chaos in their management. And I decided I don’t want to work for an organization that is not organized and honest. That moment the energy stopped leaking and I felt empowered for choosing what was right for me. The number of times I had it with dating is countless. So whenever you sense in your body that something is off, look for incongruency. If you found it, connect with your needs and boundaries and communicate these using the power of vulnerability. If you’re not taken seriously, ask yourself what you want to do with this result. And probably pack your bag and run! You want to know more about my relationship coaching, send me a dm to book a free discovery session #incongruency#relationship #relationshipgoals #relationshiptherapy #love #couple #couplegoals #marriage #lovequotes #boundaries #nonviolentcommunication #trauma #triggered #traumainformed #childhoodtrauma #motivation #dating #datingadvice #abandonment #commitment #fear #attachment #feelings #selflove #howtolove101 #embodiment