Scanning someone’s mood.
Hypervigilance is a state of increased alertness. It can make you feel like you’re alert to any hidden dangers, whether from other people or the environment. In my case, I was always “scanning” my partner’s face.
I didn’t know the word hypervigilance back then, so that’s what I called it. I was looking for micro-expressions in his face so I could sense what his mood was. Was he upset, angry, distant? I was doing this in order to prepare and brace myself. Because at that time I was scared to death of any emotions. Emotions could mean rejection, hurt, unsafety, discomfort, loneliness, or whatever emotions I had gone through as a child that I wanted to avoid feeling.
Other people’s emotions are unpredictable and I did my best to predict them and to be in control. I was in this state for about half a year, almost every day all day. You can imagine I was exhausted. My nervous system was on the whole time. My sex drive vanished completely. I moved from a flight to a fight to a frozen state constantly. But It took me a long time before I was aware I was doing it. Because as a child it was my second nature. My partner did notice me doing it, so we had a beautiful conversation about it. From that moment on it had a place in our relationship. He was a very sensitive man that was very comfortable with showing his emotions. Which was exactly what I needed and wanted to learn.
Living in a tantric conscious community in France for 3 months did the trick. Here I started to learn to connect with all of my emotions. I learned that are no negative emotions. They are emotions, they come and go. I was there when I became friends with my most feared emotion: anger. One moment I got triggered, and usually I would leave it, but this time I paid attention to the spark in my stomach and I decided to release it. I screamed my lungs out: “Aaaaaaaasssshooooooooleeeee”. It was one of the best feelings I ever felt! You want to know more about hypervigilance and how to deal with that state? Contact me for a free discovery session! #hypervigilance #ptsd #relationshiptherapy #alert #love #couplegoals #coaching #anger #release
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