Empowerment. That has been my theme for the last year. Not only for myself, but for the others around me. How do I empower another person? That’s what I ask myself on a daily basis, privately as well as in my relationship coaching. I was one of the people that used to give unsolicited advice, even though it was well-meant and genuinely coming from a place to help, but I realized I take away other people’s strength if I try to fix things for them, even though my solution seems to be the right one.

A big part of it was my own trauma response. Seeing other people struggle, brought up my own helplessness which is almost unbearable for me. My own discomfort with emotions made me go into a problem solving mode right away. I could not feel if a person just wanted to talk to someone that holds space.
Because I myself have felt hopeless in my life, where I needed someone to help me, but no one was there.
Because of this mechanisms I couldn’t let people follow their own tempo in the process. If I wouldn’t have interfered, they might have come up with their own solution a couple of hours later. And then it would be way more powerful for them. And I would feel less responsible as well, which would make me less tired and stressed out.

One of my new sentences that I use is when people reach out to me is: you know the answer to this, you got this! And then I just sit with it. I’m getting better and better sitting with the uncomfortable feeling that I have, if the solution doesn’t come up right away. I know I’m not the helpless little girl anymore.

So if you need someone to talk to or to just hold space, you can also book in a free discovery session with me!

#empowerment #innerchild #unsolicitedadvice #relationshiptherapy #love #traumaresponse #

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