Avoidant people avoid anxiety by turning inwards, anxious people avoid anxiety by turning outwards. What does this mean?
As attachment styles, they are the opposite of each other. Anxious people tend to be more clingy where they can turn to the other person for fixing this anxious feeling. Avoidant people tend to be more distant and lock themselves up to avoid confrontation. But they both have the same protection mechanism. They avoid difficult feelings!

Pleasers are also avoiders. They avoid setting boundaries. Because they are so afraid that a boundary is rejected (which means they get rejected and our instinct tells us that if we are isolated, we die), they avoid setting the whole boundary by pleasing even if they don’t want to do the thing.
Pleasing seems less stressful than setting the boundary. But the thing is, doing things you don’t really want to do, is very exhausting and can lead up to burn-out or depression, because you aren’t yourself anymore.
But if you are able as a pleaser to set up boundaries, and you have to do this a lot because the other person has toxic or leeching tendencies, the stress of setting boundaries can take as much energy as the act of pleasing. You then have to ask yourself, is this dynamics worth it? Is all the stress and triggers of setting so many boundaries worth it that I keep being in this relationship/friendship/job?

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#relationshiptherapy #codependant #avoiding #rejection #abandonment #attachmentstyles #anxious #fearfulavoidant #dismissiveavoidant #love #pleaser #boundaries #needs

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