I just got a voicenote from my client and he shared something so beautiful, that I wanted to share this with you! I got super excited because I could hear that everything we spoke about in the last couple of weeks in our whatsapp coaching has landed and integrated. And what he reflected back to me, was voiced in such a beautiful way, that I had to write it down and share it with you. So this blog is inspired by his words.
When there is no solid base in a relationship, we tend to look at external factors or point at the other to explain why it’s not there. “if he would change, then we… If this situation would change, then we…”
But this is not true. A relationship is a mirror of the foundation that is built inside of us. Childhood trauma can create this unstable base in us, which can result into feelings of fear, restlessness and insecurities. The ego doesn’t want to feel these feelings, so it uses the mind to create stories, beliefs, doubts and overthinking to get away from these uncomfortable feelings. But it almost never works. It’s like pushing a ball underwater, it will shoot up with even more force!
When this happens, you go back to the basics of acknowledging your feelings so they can dissolve. You first do this in the vertical connection (within yourself) and afterwards in the horizontal connection (with the other), by using the sharing method that I spoke about the other time.
Another strategy that we use to avoid these uncomfortable feelings is to compensate. We can choose a partner that gives many compliments which results in compensating for our own insecurities. Many relationships are built on this “cover up” strategy. But when something changes in the dynamics or situation (like a new relationship), these unhealed shadowparts will rise back up again with full force.
In a relationship you want both people to be responsible for their own insecurities or uncomfortable feelings. When people can just BE with their own feelings, and also just BE with the others person’s feelings as well without feeling responsible, that’s when a solid base can be built.
If you want to know more about whatsapp coaching, send me a pm for a free discovery session!